As I sit here and think about some of the things that I have endured, I’ve come to the conclusion that ain’t no reward for self-imposed suffering. The end result may be wisdom at best but you definitely won’t get a standing ovation from the people or situations that you suffered by. No one will say thank you and most times no one will even care. Suffering is a lonely thing because often you’re the only one who knows the depths of your pain. Of course, life can’t always be easy, but the idea that some great thing comes from your suffering is bullshit, especially self-inflicted suffering like what I’ve experienced far too much of in my life. Like, you’re making yourself miserable for whyyyy?!?! Of course life isn’t fair. They’ll be rainy days. People will come and go. They’ll be ups and downs and ebs and flows, but making yourself suffer is the craziest shxt you can do. Our stories been written and that pen BEEN lifted also/and we still have free will to CHOOSE. And suffering at your own hand, is not what the creator wants for you, for me, for us. You can give for the sake of givin, love because you’re a lover but allowing yourself to be mistreated or dragged shouldn’t be your ministry or mine either. There are too many times that I’ve chosen the worst case scenario for myself in the name of love. And not just romantic love but friendship love, familial love. Staying in situations because I’m too soft, too forgiving, too committed all while being mistreated, ignored or just simply just a victim of love and friendship unrequited. What I’ve come to know is that people will only do what you allow and sometimes loosening your grip IS the best option. Staying in things because you don’t know what’s on the other side or hoping AND believing people can change to be better just contributes to your own suffering. This type of reasoning begs the question if nothing changed and things remained the same would I choose this scenario again for myself? In this life reciprocity reigns supreme. Things may not always be equal but they can certainly be equitable. I’m not saying that life doesn’t require pliability and reasonable expectations but I am saying that SUFFERING doesn’t have to be YOUR choice. You can choose honor and dignity by loosening by walking away. Allow people, places and things to SHOW you they are worthy of you. Instead of suffering you can choose joy, pleasure, happiness, bliss. In choosing yourself, those are the rewards. As far as suffering though, ain’t no reward in that!
